


Something So Right

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Drama, First Times, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 02:53:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/793226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blair finally tells Jim the secret he's been keeping since they met.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something So Right

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to ozy and wolfling for beta reading. 

## Something So Right

by Mia Athlas

Summary: Blair has something to tell Jim 

Disclaimer: The characters used here, sadly, do not belong to me. They are the property of Pet Fly and UPN. I have received no monetary reward, I do it simply for fun. 

Contains m/m sex. If you are under 18, do not read this. 

* * *

Something So Right  
by Mia Athlas 

He had to tell Jim. Blair knew this without a doubt. Somehow the time had gotten away from him... 3 years... had it really been three years? He had never meant to let it go this long. He had never meant to let the lie grow so big. Well, not a lie exactly. Blair chastised himself. No... it was a lie, a lie of omission is still a lie. Blair sighed as he watched Jim cross the bullpen towards him. His partner deserved the truth. 

How would he tell him after all this time? After he lived with him, knowing what anyone who knew him thought. After they had double-dated. After he had purposefully misled him. How could he possibly understand something that he was not sure he even understood himself? He had always been a straight forward person, never hiding who he was. His mom had taught him not to care what others thought of him or his choices. She would be disappointed in his choices lately. 

In the past three years he had almost come to believe it himself... almost. Last week was the wake up call he had needed. Letting his relationship go so far with Sam. He hated how he had used her. He never meant to hurt her. Blair jumped at his partner's soft question. 

"Something wrong, Chief?" Jim asked as he sat beside his preoccupied partner. Blair looked over at him, another lie on his lips. 

"I'm fin..." He stopped abruptly, noting Jim's curious look. "Yeah Jim, something's wrong." 

The seriousness of Blair's voice got Jim's undivided attention. He lowered his voice. "What is it, Blair?" 

The young man looked around himself at the busy bullpen. "I need to talk to you, Jim, but not here. After your shift, when we get home, okay?" 

Jim was alarmed. He knew that his partner had been preoccupied with something the last few days. Something he couldn't or wouldn't talk about. Jim had given him the space he would have wanted if their positions had been reversed. 

And now it looked like he was ready to talk about it. The sentinel found the idea scarier that he cared to admit. He wasn't sure he was ready for whatever it was. 

All sorts of possibilities flashed through his mind. Maybe Blair had been offered another expedition and had decided to accept? Maybe something was wrong with Naomi? Maybe he discovered something about the Sentinel thing? Maybe, maybe, maybe. Jim's mind balked at another option... maybe he was sick? Last week Blair had taken a mandatory police physical, a condition of his continuing to observe at the station. Maybe they had found something? Jim put the thought out of his mind. No. Blair was not sick. He couldn't be. 

"Chief, you're killing me here. Can't you just tell me now and we can discuss it later?" 

"Tonight, Jim, please? It'll be alright, I swear. There's just something I need to tell you." 

Jim wasn't convinced but decided to let it go for now. 

"Okay, Chief. But tonight you come clean." 

Blair forced himself to smile. "As a whistle, big guy." 

Jim stood and ruffled his hair. "Okay then. Want a coffee?" 

Blair shook his head, still preoccupied and Jim headed for the break room. 

Once he got there he sat down heavily, sure that for some reason Blair was leaving... equally sure that something was medically wrong with his friend. How could he do it without him? He relied on the young man for so much. For the first time in his life he had let someone in farther than anyone else had been allowed. Now that someone was deserting him. Maybe Blair did just think of him as his subject. Jim clenched his jaw. No way. It was more than that. Blair was closer to him than anyone, including his family and his ex-wife. He had to believe that it was mutual. He did believe that it was mutual. He was as close to Blair as the young man was to him. It was just all this wondering... waiting... The last few days had been hell. It was all he could do not to pin Blair to a wall and force him to tell him what was wrong. How could he fix it if he didn't know what was wrong? He refused to believe he couldn't fix the problem. Jim hit the table with the palm of his hand in frustration. 

"Hey, Ellison, anything wrong?" 

Jim looked up at Brown, who was standing in the doorway clutching his coffee mug. "Ask me tomorrow, H." The detective grabbed his coffee and headed for his desk feeling Brown's concerned gaze following him. 

After a tense but thankfully quiet paperwork-filled afternoon, they headed home. The drive to the loft was silent. Jim could feel the growing tension in his partner and wanted to comfort him. 

"Whatever it is, Sandburg, it's okay." 

Blair didn't answer. Finally they arrived at the loft. Jim grabbed a couple of beers. Passing one to Blair, he sat down on the couch next to his worried partner. 

"Okay, Chief. Let's have it." 

Blair didn't know where to start or what his friend's reaction would be. In the end he decided to say it straight, then offer explanations. 

"Jim, I'm not sure how to tell you so I'll just come right out with it... I'm gay." Blair held his breath and Jim seemed to do the same. 

Jim's mind tried to assimilate the statement. His overwhelming feeling was relief. "Thank, God," he whispered letting his breath out finally. Blair was all right. "You son of a bitch. I thought you were leaving or... or... dying... you had that physical last week, then you started acting weird... and... and..." Jim shut his mouth and stood up quickly, moving away from the young man, not sure whether he wanted to hug him or kill him and finally deciding distance was the best alternative at this point. 

Blair reached out a hand then pulled it back as Jim moved away. "I'm sorry, man. I had no idea. I forgot all about that stupid physical. God... I never would have let you believe something like that if I had known. Really, man, I'm so sorry." 

Jim looked back and saw the fear and regret in his partner's eyes and moved back to the couch, sitting down again. As he calmed down his partner's words finally sank in. Gay? There was no way Blair Sandburg, renowned skirt chaser, was gay. Searching Blair's face he sputtered, "You're gay?" Since when?" Jim was having a hard time believing that his woman-chasing roommate liked men. 

"Since always, man. I'm sorry I didn't tell you a long time ago." 

"You're bisexual," Jim said positively, sure that his guide had not meant gay as in only men. 

"No, Jim. I can appreciate female beauty but I'm not bisexual-- I'm gay. I'm sorry that this is so hard for you." 

"What about all those women? Just why didn't you tell me before?" Jim desperately tried to fight his initial desire to leave, truly wanting to understand. 

Blair put a hand on Jim's wrist. When the older man didn't move away he left it there. "Give me a minute here, Jim. I'll try to explain as best I can." He took a deep breath and organized his thoughts. 

"I've always been gay. It's a part of who I am... the real Blair Sandburg. When I first met you, I thought that you would be my subject for my thesis... that's all. I didn't feel there was any reason to tell you, you weren't exactly my type. When it started to become... more... I decided that if I told you, well, that you would end our relationship and that would be it. I'm sorry, Jim, but you weren't exactly open to alternative life styles." Seeing his partner's tightly clenched jaw, Blair continued quickly. 

"You've spent your life in the military, in the police department, in a strict upper class home... you are so hetero. I just knew that you wouldn't understand. Right or wrong I decided to wait. Then you took me in..." 

"Jesus, Blair, I thought you trusted me," Jim blurted out, not able to keep silent. 

Blair squeezed his partner's arm and continued. "Then you took me in. I should have told you then, man. I know it. I knew it but I thought that I'd give you just a little more time to get to know the real me. I figured if you got to know me before I put it out there, it might not bother you so much. After that, things got out of control. I never meant for it to go so far. I dated women because I knew it was expected. I wanted to be accepted by your world... by you. I wanted that so badly I lost myself for awhile. I don't know how to explain it any better than that. I never made love with any of the women. I was always careful that things never got that far. It's surprisingly easy to turn a relationship bad." 

Jim was stunned. "So what made you decide to tell me now?" 

Blair fidgeted uncomfortably. "It went a little too far last week during my date with Sam. I started thinking that if I could pretend to be straight... that I could go all the way with the charade. Well, I was wrong. I ended up embarrassing Sam and myself. In the end, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't pretend, I couldn't use her. I hate myself for hurting her and I realized that I couldn't continue this lie. To stop, I had to tell you first and hope that you could understand." 

Blair fell silent waiting for a response from his partner. Jim sat staring at the floor quietly. The seconds turned into minutes. Fidgeting nervously as the silence grew Blair began to fear the worst. If Jim could accept it and move on he would have said something by now. He jumped as the older man began to speak. 

* * *

"I need to clear up a few things, Chief. Obfuscation won't do here, I need you to promise you'll answer me honestly. Can you promise that?" 

Blair nodded. "I promise, Jim. I'll answer any question you have." 

"Have you ever been with a woman, I mean intimately?" Jim blushed and stared at his hands. 

"When I was younger I experimented a bit but no, I've never had intercourse with a woman if that's what you're asking." 

"Then how do you know?" 

"How do I know what?" 

"How do you know you're not bi? You seem to like women. I'm having a hard time with you being gay Sandburg. They way you respond to women... it's, oh hell forget it." Jim stood in frustration and started pacing. 

"Listen, Jim, I know this must be hard for you to get used to but it doesn't change the facts. I'm gay, that's the way it is. Why would it be easier to think that I'm bisexual?" 

"I don't know, Sandburg, it just would," Jim said irritably. 

"Jim, I need to know if you can deal with this." Blair held his breath as he waited for the older man to respond. 

"I need more information first." Jim stood on the other side of the coffee table facing his partner. Blair idly wondered whether he was using the table as a barrier between them. 

"Anything, Jim." Blair meant the words. At this point, he had nothing to lose. Jim would hear the complete truth, then have the freedom to choose whether he could live with the answers or not. Blair swallowed compulsively as he waited for the sentinel to continue. 

"I'm not your type you said?" 

"No, Jim. I typically don't go for the stern military look." 

Jim grimaced a bit at the description. "Thanks, Sandburg, for the glowing review. So you aren't attracted to me?" He looked nervously down at his seated partner. 

Blair looked away as he spoke. He was already unhappy with the way this conversation was going. Jim hadn't once referred to him as anything except Sandburg... not a good sign. Not sure if he should say anything but still determined to give his friend the whole truth, the young man responded quietly. "I wouldn't say that exactly." 

Jim blanched. "What do you mean? You said I wasn't your type." 

"You weren't my type _then_ , Jim, but I've gotten to know you. I realized I was basing my approach to dating on superficial things. Because you were buff and a cop I assumed that's all there was to you. I've always been more attracted to a person's heart... their soul than I have to their body. I've got to tell you, Jim, your soul is beautiful. How could I not fall for you? I'm sorry but I can't truthfully say I'm not attracted to you now." 

Jim stared at him open-mouthed. "I think I need to sit down." He sat back on the couch beside his partner but didn't look at him. 

"Just because I'm attracted to you it doesn't mean that anything has to happen. I'm happy being your friend and your partner. Honestly, Jim, that's enough for me." 

Jim looked at the young man who had laid it all on the line. He knew how much courage it must have taken Blair to have this conversation with him. His partner may appear open but in reality he gave little away. Jim just hadn't realized how much he really kept inside. "I don't know what to say, Blair." 

"It's okay, man, I understand. I've laid a lot on you tonight," Blair said relieved to be called by his first name. 

"I need some time to think, a little space." 

Blair's face fell and he stood. "Okay, Jim. I'll clear out for a few days. I can stay with Nancy till you're ready to talk about it." He sadly headed to his room to pack. 

Jim jumped up and blocked his way. "What are you doing, Chief?" he asked exasperatedly. 

"I'm leaving for a few days so that you can have some time to yourself. Isn't that what you want?" 

"No, it's not what I want. God, Sandburg, every time we have an argument you assume I want you out. This is your home too, Blair, when are you going to get it through your head? I don't need you to leave. I don't want you to leave okay? I want you to stay here." 

Blair smiled slightly, relief flooding through him. "Okay, man. Thanks." 

"I'm just going to go take a drive and think about all of this." He noticed his partner's stricken look and hastened to add, "Don't read anything into this, Chief. I just need a bit of time to myself. I'll be back in a couple of hours." 

Blair nodded and watched his partner leave. He couldn't stop himself from wondering if he would still have the privilege of calling him his partner tomorrow. 

* * *

Jim opened the door to the loft quietly and crept inside. He hadn't meant to stay out so long. It was three am by the time he had thought to check the clock in the truck and four am by the time he made it back home. Blair was sure to be worried. He smiled tenderly as he caught sight of his partner curled up on the couch, the television on but showing only fuzz at this time of night. Jim was warmed by the thought of his partner waiting up for him. When Jim had started to think about it he was amazed that he hadn't realized how his partner felt earlier. All the little things Blair did for him everyday. Making breakfast, calling him if he couldn't be at the station just to make sure he was okay, rubbing his shoulders after a hard day, tending to his wounds when he was hurt or sick. Looking back Jim saw the caring in everything that the young man did for him. Things that he had taken for granted. Things he had taken, giving so little back. 

Jim sighed and sat down on the edge of the couch studying his partner. Could he accept, Blair? Could he stand by while Sandburg dated other men? Could he love Blair like the young man deserved? These were the questions that captured him for so many hours. He had looked at the situation from all angles and realized he wanted to at least try. He already knew he loved the kid and God knows he was beautiful--man or woman. But could he... Jim leaned over and touched his lips lightly to his partner's experimentally, chastely. 

Blair felt something touch his lips and his eyes flew open. Jim! He pulled away from his partner and sat up quickly, drawing his knees up before him, leaning against the arm of the couch. 

"J-Jim, what are you doing?" 

Jim smiled softly. "Blair. I've been thinking about this for hours. You're my friend, my partner and my guide for this sentinel thing. You're closer to me than my own family. I had to ask myself why I've allowed that? I've had friends before... Simon, others too... good friends. They've known me longer than you but I've never had any interest in letting them really know me. Know my past, my fears... everything. Till you. I've told you things about me that I could never imagine telling anyone. Why is that?" 

"Because I'm pushy," Blair suggested shakily feeling very off balance. He had been so sure that Jim had decided to walk out. He had been gone so long. Now here he was in the middle of the night, kissing him. 

Jim laughed. "No, somehow I don't think that's it. I usually close down when pushed. I don't know if you've noticed but I can be a bit stubborn at times." 

Blair didn't laugh. He stared seriously at his partner. "Jim. I told you how I felt, now I need you to tell me how you feel." 

"You never really told me how you feel about me, Blair. Is it lust or something... more?" 

Blair shook his head. "No way, man. I think I'm out on this limb far enough already." 

Jim conceded, he hadn't meant to put the onus of the conversation back on the young man. "No you're right, Chief. Time for me to say my piece. I care for you. I don't know if I can handle a homosexual relationship but I want to try. I do want to try." 

Blair gasped in surprise. "What? What are you talking about, Jim?" The young man sprang from the couch and began pacing. "You can't just decide to be homosexual, either you are or you aren't. I couldn't stand it if you changed your mind one day." 

"I've never been with a man before, Chief." Jim felt a blush warm his face, hardly believing he was having this conversation with his partner. "That doesn't mean I've never thought about it--that I haven't thought about being with you. I have. In the past, whenever I would get these urges I've always told myself it was natural to be curious, no big deal. I've never let myself explore those feelings. But with you I can't seem to do that. Even before you told me that you were gay I wanted you. It just took me a long time to realize just what it was that I wanted. I never really thought I would even get a chance to be with you. You always had one girl or another hanging around you, you made it obvious that women were all you thought about. Well, at least to me, it was obvious. So I never even let myself think about it, let alone pursue anything." 

Blair came to a stop in front of the older man. "But now you want to?" 

Jim looked up and took his partner's hands in his own. "Yeah. I want to. With you, if you'll let me. Only with you. I can't promise you anything right now, Blair. It's not going to be easy. I've dealt with so many things about my past and about myself since I met you. It's never been easy. But I want to try." 

Blair was torn. To do this would be the biggest risk he had ever taken. He loved Jim so much. He didn't know if he could take a rejection from the older man once they started a relationship. But if he said no he would never know if it could have worked. He felt strongly that he and Jim were meant to be together as Sentinel and Guide forever--and as mates. How could he say no? 

"Yes. I want to try too." Blair squeezed his partner's hands as he looked down into the older man's scared face. "It will be alright, Jim. Let me show you." 

Jim nodded mutely, his mouth suddenly dry as Blair lowered himself to his knees between the sentinel's legs and took his face into his hands. 

"Let me love you," Blair whispered and pressed his lips to Jim's. 

Jim shuddered and opened his mouth inviting the young man to deepen the kiss. Something that felt this right had to be forever. He leaned back and surrendered control to his guide. 

"Blair..." Jim said nervously as he felt the young man's hand touch his rapidly filling cock. Even through his jeans, the touch was almost too much. 

Blair pulled his hand back bringing it up to Jim's face instead, stroking lightly. "It's okay, Jim. I won't do anything you aren't ready for." He brought their lips together again in another kiss, his tongue exploring the sweet softness of his sentinel's mouth. 

Jim groaned deep in his throat and grabbed the young man's hand, drawing it away from his face and back to his cock. 

Blair kissed his partner harder, sucking his tongue into his own mouth as his hand closed on the older man's erection, happily taking the unspoken request. He let go for a moment and pushed the coffee table away with his hand then drew Jim down onto his knees on the floor to join him. 

Jim came willingly, his mouth refastening onto his partner's as soon as he was within reach. He was lost in sensation. It no longer mattered that the person in his arms was a man. All that mattered was the scent of arousal in the air, his increasing desire and the love he felt for this particular young man. He felt Blair's hands as they undid his belt and carefully eased down the zipper. Moaning, Jim clutched his partner tightly to his chest as the deft hands withdrew his aching cock. He pushed Blair back slightly and scrabbled at the young man's belt, eager to feel his Guide's hardness in his own hands. He withdrew Blair's cock and captured his mouth in a searing kiss as he began to stroke him in time with the hands on his own erection. 

Blair stroked Jim faster as his own orgasm approached. He felt an intense need for his partner to cum with him. Together in all things. Blair threw his head back and cried out as his balls tightened and he came against Jim's stomach. He felt Jim arch in his hands and the welcome warmth of the older man's release against his skin. Sighing in satisfaction he slumped against Jim's chest as the sentinel collapsed against him. 

"Blair..." Jim whispered. As his control returned he pulled himself and his partner back up onto the couch. "This feels perfect, the way it was meant to be, so... right. There's no doubt about it." He smiled in satisfaction. 

Blair still couldn't believe he and Jim had just made love. He never truly thought that they would ever be together outside of his dreams. He snuggled against his partner, wishing for fewer clothes. "About what, big guy?" 

"We are meant to be together... forever." 

The End 

* * *

End Something So Right. 


End file.
